Thanks to your feedback, we’re now offering a TL;DR summary—so if you're short on time, start there to get the gist. But if you’re ready to dive deeper, keep reading for the full insights, stories, and wisdom that make Paper Napkin Wisdom what it is!
TL;DR Summary:
Real change happens WITH people, not AT or FOR them. Dr. Malik Muhammad’s framework shows that true leadership balances high connection and high challenge—avoiding stagnation (NOT box), over-helping (FOR box), or harsh pressure (AT box). The goal is the WITH box, where people feel supported and are pushed to grow.
To bring this to life, use Focus-Align-Act:
- Focus – Identify where you are in the framework.
- Align – Shift actions to balance challenge and support.
- Act – Take consistent steps to coach, clarify expectations, and empower.
Great leadership happens when we stop doing everything for people and start growing with them.
In this week's Paper Napkin Wisdom Weekly:
- Paper Napkin Wisdom Preview
- The Secret of Real Change
- Bringing Connection and Challenge to Life
- Two Blueprints, Need One?
- Week in Review
- What's on Your Dashboard?
Paper Napkin Wisdom Podcast Preview
This is the only place where we give you a sneak peek into what's coming up on Paper Napkin Wisdom. Remember to share this with anyone who needs to hear these messages.
Epsiode 224: We welcome back Todd Palmer, a transformational leadership expert, keynote speaker, and executive coach who specializes in helping entrepreneurs scale their businesses, navigate uncertainty, and build high-performing teams. With a track record of guiding companies from chaos to clarity, Todd’s insights will challenge the way you think about leadership, mindset, and business growth.
Epsiode 225: Neila Ramsingh, a leader who is redefining what it means to live with purpose, clarity, and fulfillment. With a powerful blend of self-discovery, mindset mastery, and strategic action, Neila helps women, entrepreneurs and leaders break through limiting beliefs, align with their deepest desires, and create success on their own terms.
Epsiode 226: Tom Schwab, the mastermind behind Interview Valet! Tom is redefining how thought leaders connect with the right audience—and he’s got powerful insights on leveraging your brand and voice for real impact.
Epsiode 227: Luis Velasquez, a leadership expert with a story that redefines resilience. From battling a brain tumor to becoming a sought-after executive coach, Luis knows firsthand how to turn adversity into strength. His journey isn’t just inspiring—it’s packed with practical wisdom for leaders navigating tough challenges.
Epsiode 228: Warren Rustand, get ready for an unforgettable episode! A visionary leader, entrepreneur, and former White House appointee, Warren has spent decades shaping high-performance leadership. In this conversation, he’ll share game-changing insights. His previous appearance is one of the all time most downloaded shows. Get it here.
Epsiode 229: Sheelagh Whittaker, from leading billion-dollar companies to breaking barriers in the boardroom, Sheelagh brings bold insights on leadership, transformation, and thriving in uncertainty. Don’t miss this episode packed with wisdom from a true trailblazer!
Stay connected with Paper Napkin Wisdom on Apple, YouTube, and Spotify to be the first to hear these incredible episodes!
The Power of Connection and Challenge: The Secret to Real Change
Change doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It doesn’t happen because of sheer willpower, nor does it happen simply by surrounding ourselves with the right people. Real change requires two essential ingredients: connection and challenge. It’s not enough to care deeply about someone, and it’s not enough to push them toward results. The magic happens when we do both—when we create an environment where people feel valued and supported while also being challenged to grow beyond their comfort zones.
Dr. Malik Muhammad’s work on leadership and organizational transformation introduces a powerful framework for understanding this balance. He breaks down the ways we engage with people into four quadrants based on our levels of connection and challenge. The implications of these quadrants are profound, not just for leadership, but for anyone looking to build stronger teams, families, or communities.
Let’s break them down and explore how understanding them can lead to transformational leadership and meaningful change.
The Four Quadrants of Connection and Challenge
1. The NOT Box (Low Connection – Low Challenge)
This is the dead zone.
In the NOT box, nothing moves. You’re not engaging with the person, and you’re not pushing them to be better. It’s like a stagnant pond—nothing grows, and over time, everything starts to decay. Relationships here are either avoided entirely or exist in a state of neglect. In the workplace, this looks like employees who feel unseen and unchallenged, floating through their days without direction or growth.
Think about the last time you completely avoided a tough conversation because it felt too uncomfortable. Maybe you saw someone struggling but chose not to step in. Maybe you felt like it wasn’t your place, or you just didn’t have the energy. The result? Nothing changed. And that’s the problem with the NOT box—it breeds complacency, disengagement, and ultimately, failure.
What happens in the NOT box?
- Stagnation and lack of motivation
- Avoidance of difficult conversations
- Passive disengagement
- No growth, no learning, no progress
2. The FOR Box (High Connection – Low Challenge)
This is the “superhero” trap.
A lot of good leaders fall into this space. The FOR box is where we do everything for people, believing we’re helping, when in reality, we’re robbing them of the opportunity to grow. It feels great at first—people see you as supportive, kind, and always there for them. But over time, this dynamic creates dependency.
Think about a leader who always steps in to fix things. The one who jumps into every problem before their team has a chance to solve it themselves. It feels like leadership, but in reality, it’s a weight that gets heavier and heavier. And worse, the team learns that they don’t have to take ownership of their own development—they just have to wait for the hero to save the day.
What happens in the FOR box?
- Leaders get burned out carrying everyone else’s load
- Teams develop a “save me” mentality
- Growth is stunted—people never build the skills to solve their own problems
- Innovation dies because risk-taking is avoided
3. The AT Box (Low Connection – High Challenge)
This is the pressure cooker.
In the AT box, people are pushed hard but lack emotional support or connection. This is the realm of “tough love” without the love—where leaders demand results but don’t invest in relationships. It’s the coach who yells and berates players into performing, the boss who drives the team with fear and intimidation, or the parent who enforces rules without warmth.
This approach can work in the short term—sometimes spectacularly so. You’ll see bursts of productivity and intense moments of achievement. But it’s never sustainable. Over time, people burn out, disengage, or rebel. And if there’s no relationship to anchor them, they’ll leave at the first opportunity.
Think about sports coaches with high-intensity, aggressive styles. Some of them win championships, but they also tend to have short tenures. Why? Because without connection, the high challenge becomes abuse, not leadership.
What happens in the AT box?
- Short bursts of success, but long-term disengagement
- High turnover and burnout
- Fear-based motivation that doesn’t last
- Damage to relationships and culture
4. The WITH Box (High Connection – High Challenge)
This is where transformation happens.
In the WITH box, you combine deep connection with meaningful challenge. People know you care, not because you say it, but because you show it. And because of that, they trust you when you push them to be better.
This is where true coaching begins. Leaders in the WITH box don’t just tell people what to do—they empower them to succeed. They don’t just teach skills—they provide results training, ensuring people know what success looks like and how to measure their contribution. Team members know when they’re winning, and they also know when they’re falling short—and they feel safe enough to fix it.
Think about the best leaders, coaches, and mentors you’ve had. Chances are, they pushed you. They didn’t let you settle. But you also knew, without a doubt, that they were in your corner. That combination of support and challenge is what creates real, lasting change.
What happens in the WITH box?
- Growth, both personal and professional
- A culture of accountability and ownership
- Trust that fuels risk-taking and innovation
- Sustainable, long-term success
How to Lead WITH Connection and Challenge
- Check where you are. Are you avoiding hard conversations? Are you doing too much for your team? Are you pushing them without building trust? Identify which quadrant you tend to fall into.
- Build connection first. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Invest time in building real relationships.
- Raise the challenge. Once you have that connection, don’t be afraid to challenge people. Set high expectations and hold them accountable by building epic transparency not only on results but also process and progress.
- Give them results training. Teach your team what success looks like. Make sure they understand what winning means in their role.
- Let them fix it. When things go wrong, resist the urge to jump in and save the day. Support them, but let them own the solution.
The Takeaway: Real Leadership Happens WITH People, Not AT or FOR Them
If you want to create real change, you have to get into the WITH box. You have to care deeply about people and push them to be better. That’s what coaching is. That’s what great leadership is. And that’s where transformation begins.
So ask yourself: Where are you leading from today? And more importantly, where do you want to be?
Bringing Connection and Challenge to Life with Focus-Align-Act
Real leadership isn’t about just pushing people to do more. It’s not about being their superhero, nor is it about yelling orders from the sidelines. True leadership—the kind that fosters lasting change—happens WITH people, not AT or FOR them.
Dr. Malik Muhammad’s framework shows us that growth happens when we create both high connection and high challenge—when we work with people to elevate their potential. But understanding this framework is only half the battle. The real question is: How do we bring it to life?
That’s where Focus-Align-Act comes in. If we truly want to shift our leadership style into the WITH box, we need to be intentional. We need to commit to actions that reinforce both connection and challenge, every single day. Here’s how to do it.
Step 1: FOCUS – Get Clear on Where You Are
Before we can lead effectively, we need to understand our current leadership tendencies. Are you avoiding tough conversations? Are you jumping in to solve problems before your team even has a chance to try? Are you pushing people hard without investing in relationships? Identifying where you stand is the first step toward meaningful change.
How to Focus:
- Assess Your Quadrant – Think about your relationships at work, at home, and in your community. Are you in the NOT, FOR, AT, or WITH box? Be honest with yourself.
- Gather Feedback – Ask your team, peers, or even family members how they perceive your leadership style. Do they feel supported? Do they feel challenged?
- Clarify Your Intent – What kind of leader do you want to be? What impact do you want to have? Define what high connection and high challenge mean for you.
Bringing It to Life: Take five minutes today to map out your key relationships. Identify which quadrant they fall into. This will give you the clarity to move forward.
Step 2: ALIGN – Bridge the Gap Between Intention and Action
Once you’ve identified where you are, the next step is to align your actions with your desired leadership style. This is where real transformation begins.
How to Align:
- Shift the Conversation – If you’ve been avoiding tough conversations (NOT box), start small. If you’ve been overhelping (FOR box), ask instead of telling. If you’ve been overly critical (AT box), invest time in personal connection.
- Define What Winning Looks Like – High challenge isn’t about being tough for toughness’ sake—it’s about making sure people know what success means in their role and how they contribute to the bigger picture.
- Balance Support with Accountability – Start holding people responsible for their own growth while offering guidance along the way.
Bringing It to Life: If you tend to fall into the FOR box, challenge yourself to step back today. Instead of solving a problem for someone, coach them through finding their own solution. If you tend to be in the AT box, take five minutes to ask someone how they’re doing—without discussing work. Small shifts create big momentum.
Step 3: ACT – Commit to Doing the Work
Now that you’ve identified where you are and aligned your mindset, it’s time to take action. The key to moving into the WITH box is consistency. Small, daily actions compound into lasting transformation.
How to Act:
- Hold Regular Check-Ins – Set aside time weekly or biweekly to have real conversations with your team. Ask about their challenges, progress, and goals.
- Create a Results-Based Culture – Make sure your team isn’t just learning new skills but also understands the outcomes they need to achieve.
- Model the Behavior You Expect – Show up with both connection and challenge. Let people see what it looks like in action.
Bringing It to Life: At your next team meeting, ask: “What does winning look like in your role?” If they struggle to answer, work together to create clarity. When people know the goal, they’re empowered to take action.
The Takeaway: Growth Happens WITH People, Not AT or FOR Them
Bringing the WITH box to life is a continuous process, not a one-time event. It requires us to focus on where we are, align our actions with our values, and act with consistency. That’s how we create real, lasting change. That’s how we build teams, families, and communities that thrive.
So, where do you stand today? More importantly, where are you willing to go? Let’s move forward together.
Two Blueprints, Need One?
The Demand Blueprint gives you a simple, battle-tested system to attract more leads, convert them into loyal customers, and scale with confidence.
With small, actionable steps and a four-week plan, this guide will help you fix the root cause of weak demand, build trust-based sales relationships, and create real-time engagement that drives sustainable growth.
The Demand Blueprint is usually $9.99, but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber, you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to help you move from inconsistent sales to predictable, scalable growth.
The Profit Blueprint (an e-book) gives you a simple, battle-tested system to take control of your finances—whether in your business or your household. With small, actionable steps and a four week plan, this guide will help you stop running out of money and start building financial freedom. The Profit Blueprint is usually $9.99 but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to turn profit into a habit, not an accident.
Week in review
This week on the Paper Napkin Wisdom podcast, we explored two transformative episodes that tackled impactful themes of leadership, resilience, and harnessing potential.
In Episode 222, Rishi Khanna dives deep into the power of living with intention—unlocking clarity, confidence, and self-mastery. He shares how conscious decision-making, self-awareness, and a disciplined mindset can transform not just business success but also personal fulfillment. Rishi’s insights challenge us to align daily actions with our greater purpose, reinforcing that true leadership begins with mastering oneself. Don’t miss this powerful conversation on intentionality and growth! Listen now on Apple.
In Episode 223, Nicole Donnelly shares her mission to bring happiness to a billion people by redefining the way we approach business and leadership. She reveals how joy, authenticity, and a people-first mindset can drive not only success but also deep fulfillment. Through her journey, Nicole proves that when we prioritize well-being and human connection, business becomes a force for good. Tune in for an inspiring conversation on building a happier, more impactful world! Listen now on Apple.
Check them out here:
