Thanks to your feedback, we’re now offering a TL;DR summary—so if you're short on time, start there to get the gist. But if you’re ready to dive deeper, keep reading for the full insights, stories, and wisdom that make Paper Napkin Wisdom what it is!
TL;DR – Summary of Leading with Love
What do an NHL coach, a silverback gorilla, and my wife have in common?
They all became leaders without traditional role models—because they felt unconditionally loved.
In the first post, we explore how:
- 🦍 A baby gorilla became a confident leader thanks to a caregiver’s unwavering love.
- 🏒 Ted Nolan believed he was the “favorite” because he felt deeply loved—fueling his rise from humble beginnings to NHL Coach of the Year.
- 💼 My wife stepped into professional leadership without a roadmap, just belief rooted in support and care.
The big idea?
Confidence doesn’t come from credentials. It comes from love.
In the second post, we use the Focus–Align–Act framework to bring the insight to life:
- FOCUS on the truth that love builds belief.
- ALIGN your team by creating psychological safety—one person at a time.
- ACT with small, love-driven behaviors that create lasting leadership impact.
Together, these blogs challenge you to lead with love—because belief starts when someone says: “I’ve got you.”
In this week's Paper Napkin Wisdom Weekly:
- Paper Napkin Wisdom Preview
- Ted Nolan, Silverback Gorillas, and What They Taught Me About Leadership (and Love)
- Turning Unconditional Love into Unshakable Leadership
- Two Blueprints, Need One?
- Week in Review
- Why This is a Must-Read Guide Before Choosing Any Coach
Paper Napkin Wisdom Podcast Preview
This is the only place where we give you a sneak peek into what's coming up on Paper Napkin Wisdom. Remember to share this with anyone who needs to hear these messages.
Epsiode 232: Hristo Arakliev, Co-Founder of Hyperzon, shares how bold action and intentional identity shape the path of entrepreneurship. We dig into how leaders create momentum by becoming who they choose to be — one step at a time. This one’s packed with insight you’ll want to reflect on.
Epsiode 233: Stephanie Szostak, from Hollywood to wholehearted leadership! You may know her from the big and small screen, but she gets real about what it means to live your truth with courage, love, and yes... even humor. This isn’t just a conversation — it’s a masterclass in authenticity and reinvention. You don’t want to miss the bold wisdom she drops, straight from her napkin to your heart.
Epsiode 234: Borzou Azabdaftari, Founder and CEO of The Falcon Lab, shares how clarity, conviction, and creative risk-taking fuel entrepreneurial growth. We explore how leaders can align personal identity with bold action to unlock meaningful momentum. This episode is full of sharp insights you’ll want to revisit again and again.
Epsiode 235: Julie Whitney, author of Astra the Lonely Airplane, shares how storytelling can help children navigate change and uncertainty. We discuss how Astra's journey mirrors real-life challenges, teaching resilience and adaptability to young readers. This conversation offers valuable insights into using narrative to support children's emotional growth.
Epsiode 236: Mark Rypien, the first Canadian-born quarterback to both start in the NFL and win Super Bowl MVP, leading Washington to victory in Super Bowl XXVI. His story is one of grit, resilience, and championship-caliber belief. He shares powerful insights about success and prepapration from his incredible journey.
Epsiode 237: Dr. Heidi Hanna, bestselling author and leading expert on stress mastery and brain health returns to Paper Napkin Wisdom! She helps individuals and organizations transform stress into a source of strength and performance. With clients ranging from Google to the NFL, her work blends science, strategy, and a dose of humor.
Stay connected with Paper Napkin Wisdom on Apple, YouTube, and Spotify to be the first to hear these incredible episodes!
Ted Nolan, Silverback Gorillas, and What They Taught Me About Leadership (and Love)
You never know where the spark will come from.
Sometimes it’s a story about gorillas.
Sometimes it’s a moment in a podcast.
And sometimes, it’s something your spouse says—or does—that connects the dots in a way that makes you sit back and go:
“Huh. That’s it.”
This is one of those stories.
Let’s start with Ted Nolan.
If you don’t know Ted (check out Episode 230), he’s a former NHL coach of the year. His journey is absolutely incredible—he grew up in Garden River First Nation, didn’t take the typical route into coaching, and somehow still ended up behind NHL benches leading some of the best in the world.
But what really got me was this one thing he said on the Paper Napkin Wisdom podcast:
“I always thought I was the favorite child.”
He smiled when he said it. It wasn’t cocky. It was calm. Almost innocent.
But then he told me something else:
His sister thought she was the favorite, too.
That’s when it hit him: maybe it wasn’t about being the favorite. Maybe it was about being loved.
Boom. Mic drop moment.
Because when you feel loved like that—not for what you do, but for who you are—you start to believe you can do just about anything. And Ted did do just about anything.
He didn’t have a coaching pedigree. He didn’t go to the fancy hockey clinics. He literally got thrown into the fire with no formal training. But he believed. And he built a career most people only dream of.
Where did that belief come from?
Love.
It Got Me Thinking...
About my wife.
She was the first in her family to become a professional. Like Ted, she didn’t have a role model blazing the trail ahead of her. There wasn’t a roadmap. No “how-to” manual.
But she believed, too.
And I started to wonder... why?
What do Ted Nolan, my wife, and... wait for it... a baby gorilla in Cameroon all have in common?
Belief Starts With Love
Let me tell you about this gorilla.
His name was N’Kan Daniel. Just a few weeks old, his mother had been killed by poachers. He was terrified, starving, clinging to life.
Enter Rachel Hogan, Director at Ape Action Africa, a sanctuary in the jungle of Cameroon.
Rachel did what any mother would do. She carried N’Kan on her chest. Fed him bottles. Brushed his teeth. Slept with him draped across her like a fuzzy weighted blanket. She loved him without condition.
Years later, N’Kan became a full-grown silverback—the leader of his troop.
But here’s the amazing part: he never forgot Rachel. Even as a massive, powerful gorilla, he would come back to her like a little boy, laying his head on her shoulder, seeking that same comfort and affection he’d known from day one.
Sound familiar?
Ted Nolan didn’t get hockey systems and coaching seminars. He got love.
My wife didn’t get a roadmap. She got support.
That gorilla didn’t get a troop to grow up with. He got a woman who believed in him.
And from that, something special was born in all of them:
Confidence. Leadership. Presence.
No Role Model? No Problem (If You’ve Got Love)
We often think that to lead, to be excellent, to step up—we need someone to go ahead of us.
But Ted didn’t have that.
My wife didn’t have that.
Even N’Kan the gorilla didn’t have that.
What they did have was someone who said—through actions, not just words:
“I believe in you. I’ve got your back. I love you for who you are.”
And that was enough to build belief.
In psychological terms, this is called earned secure attachment. You don’t need the perfect childhood. You don’t need ideal conditions. What you need is someone—at some point in your life—to love you unconditionally.
And when that happens?
Game on.
You build trust. You take risks. You lead.
This Isn’t Just About Gorillas and Childhood
Let’s bring it into the workplace.
According to Google’s Project Aristotle, the #1 predictor of high-performing teams is something called psychological safety.
Translation?
People need to feel safe enough to speak up, make mistakes, take risks, and still belong.
You know what that feels like?
Unconditional love.
Not mushy, rom-com kind of love.
I’m talking about love that says:
- “You matter more than the result.”
- “I see your potential.”
- “You’re safe here, even if you screw up.”
Leaders who create that kind of space build teams that thrive. Period.
But Wait, Isn’t That a Little Too Soft?
Nope.
Because here’s the thing:
Love isn’t the opposite of accountability. It’s the foundation for it.
When you love someone—really love them—you don’t let them play small.
You challenge them.
You hold them to the standard you know they can reach.
You don't HOLD them accountable, you treat them AS if they accountable (because they are).
And you do it without shaming them or tearing them down.
That’s the kind of leader Ted Nolan became. That’s the kind of leader my wife is. That’s the kind of leader I try to be.
So What’s the Takeaway?
Whether you’re leading a team of 2 or 2000…
Whether you had a role model or not…
Whether you were the favorite child or just felt like you were…
You can lead from love.
And that love might be the very thing that helps someone on your team believe in themselves for the first time.
You never know when your belief in them will be the reason they become a leader.
Just like someone believed in you.
Here’s Your Napkin Moment
✏️ Write this down:
“Confidence grows where love is unconditional.”
Stick it on your wall.
Write it on a napkin.
Better yet—live it.
Be the kind of leader who believes before there’s proof.
Who loves before there’s performance.
Who helps people see who they can be, not just who they are.
Because here’s what I’ve learned from gorillas, coaches, and my incredible wife:
You don’t need a perfect path.
You just need someone who says: “I’ve got you.”
And maybe… that someone is you.
📸 Your challenge:
Write your takeaway from this blog post on a napkin.
Take a photo.
Post it with the hashtag #PaperNapkinWisdom.
Let’s flood the world with leadership that starts—and ends—with love.
Turning Unconditional Love into Unshakable Leadership
We've talked about gorillas, hockey coaches, and my wife (not in that order). The thread connecting them all?
They didn’t have a roadmap…
But they had love.
Unconditional love—given freely, received fully—creates confidence. And confidence creates leaders.
But inspiration without action? That’s just a good feeling.
So let’s take this message and run it through the Paper Napkin Wisdom lens of Focus–Align–Act.
🎯 FOCUS: Leadership Starts with Love
The key insight here is simple:
Confidence grows where love is unconditional.
As leaders, we don’t just manage people—we grow them. And the most powerful growth environments are ones where people feel safe, seen, and supported.
That doesn’t mean we stop setting high expectations. It means we believe in people enough to hold them accountable—with love, not fear.
✅ Focus Question:
Who on your team needs to feel believed in today?
🤝 ALIGN: Create Psychological Safety, One Person at a Time
Google’s research says psychological safety drives team performance.
But here’s the thing—they didn’t say team safety.
They said psychological safety.
It starts one-on-one. Every week.
Think back: who believed in you before you believed in yourself?
Be that person—for someone.
- Schedule a check-in that’s just about them, not metrics.
- Ask, “What do you need to feel more confident this week?”
- Remind someone of a time they overcame something hard.
✅ Align Question:
Does everyone on your team know they matter more than the metrics?
🚀 ACT: Build a Culture of Love-Driven Leadership
Love isn't just a feeling. It's a practice.
Here are 3 ways to put love into motion in your leadership this week:
- Catch them doing something right.
Publicly acknowledge it. Celebrate it. Reinforce it.
- Use the "Even If" Rule.
Tell someone: “Even if you mess this up, I believe in you.”
- Model vulnerability.
Admit something you’ve learned or struggled with. Let others know you’re human too.
None of this is soft.
It’s strong. Strategic. And it works.
✅ Act Question:
What will I do this week to show love and build belief?
Final Word
Remember: N’Kan the gorilla became a leader because he was held, loved, and believed in.
Ted Nolan led teams to greatness because he felt like the favorite—even though there was no scoreboard for love in his family.
And your people?
They might be just one act of belief away from stepping into their own greatness.
Two Blueprints, Need One?
The Demand Blueprint gives you a simple, battle-tested system to attract more leads, convert them into loyal customers, and scale with confidence.
With small, actionable steps and a four-week plan, this guide will help you fix the root cause of weak demand, build trust-based sales relationships, and create real-time engagement that drives sustainable growth.
The Demand Blueprint is usually $9.99, but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber, you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to help you move from inconsistent sales to predictable, scalable growth.
The Profit Blueprint (an e-book) gives you a simple, battle-tested system to take control of your finances—whether in your business or your household. With small, actionable steps and a four week plan, this guide will help you stop running out of money and start building financial freedom. The Profit Blueprint is usually $9.99 but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to turn profit into a habit, not an accident.
Week in review
This week on the Paper Napkin Wisdom podcast, we explored two transformative episodes that tackled impactful themes of leadership, resilience, and harnessing potential.
In Episode 230, former NHL Coach of the Year Ted Nolan shares his philosophy of leveraging available resources and personal strengths to achieve success, emphasizing adaptability and resilience.He reflects on his journey from a First Nations community to professional hockey, highlighting the importance of cultural identity and perseverance.Nolan advocates for authentic leadership, encouraging individuals to embrace their unique backgrounds and experiences as assets in overcoming challenges and leading effectively. Listen now on Apple.
In Episode 231, Laura Burke shares the powerful insight that when something feels both exciting and terrifying, it's a sign you're on the right path. She opens up about navigating big decisions and embracing discomfort as a signal for growth. Her message is clear: the things that matter most often come with fear—and they’re always worth it. Listen now on Apple.
Check them out here:
