Thanks to your feedback, we’re now offering a TL;DR summary—so if you're short on time, start there to get the gist. But if you’re ready to dive deeper, keep reading for the full insights, stories, and wisdom that make Paper Napkin Wisdom what it is!
TL;DR – Summary of Curating Your Circle
What do a feedback-loving friend, a relentless reader, and a few “adoptive uncles” have in common?
They’ve each helped pull the future version of me—and my kids—into the present.
In the first post, we explore how:
🧠 The “Rule of Five” is outdated—real growth comes from a diverse, intentional network.
🔥 Good friends are great, but the right people make you uncomfortable in all the best ways.
👨👧 My children have their amazing birth family and chosen mentors who’ve helped shape their world by challenging mine.
The big idea?
Don’t just surround yourself with love—surround yourself with people who stretch your potential.
In the second post, we apply the Focus–Align–Act framework to make it real:
FOCUS on who you're becoming and where you need to grow.
ALIGN your relationships with the person you say you want to be.
ACT by adjusting your time, seeking out activators, and becoming a catalyst for others.
Together, these posts challenge you to elevate your circle—because legacy isn’t just what you leave behind.
It’s who you choose to grow beside.
In this week's Paper Napkin Wisdom Weekly:
- Paper Napkin Wisdom Preview
- Good Isn’t Good Enough: Why You Need People Who Pull Your Future Into the Present
- Focus - Align - Act: A Framework for Curating a Circle That Pulls You Forward
- The Family You’re Born With… and the Uncles/Aunts You Choose
- Two Blueprints, Need One?
- Week in Review
- Why This is a Must-Read Guide Before Choosing Any Coach
Paper Napkin Wisdom Podcast Preview
This is the only place where we give you a sneak peek into what's coming up on Paper Napkin Wisdom. Remember to share this with anyone who needs to hear these messages.
Epsiode 234: Bryce North, a seasoned entrepreneur and founder of Don't Be A Little Pitch. With experience pitching on Dragons' Den, scaling companies globally, and securing features in top-tier media outlets, Bryce offers invaluable insights into building visibility and traction in today's competitive landscape.
Epsiode 235: Julie Whitney, author of Astra the Lonely Airplane, shares how storytelling can help children navigate change and uncertainty. We discuss how Astra's journey mirrors real-life challenges, teaching resilience and adaptability to young readers. This conversation offers valuable insights into using narrative to support children's emotional growth.
Epsiode 236: Mark Rypien, the first Canadian-born quarterback to both start in the NFL and win Super Bowl MVP, leading Washington to victory in Super Bowl XXVI. His story is one of grit, resilience, and championship-caliber belief. He shares powerful insights about success and prepapration from his incredible journey.
Epsiode 237: Dr. Heidi Hanna, bestselling author and leading expert on stress mastery and brain health returns to Paper Napkin Wisdom! She helps individuals and organizations transform stress into a source of strength and performance. With clients ranging from Google to the NFL, her work blends science, strategy, and a dose of humor.
Episode 238: Borzou Azabdaftari, Founder and CEO of The Falcon Lab, shares how clarity, conviction, and creative risk-taking fuel entrepreneurial growth. We explore how leaders can align personal identity with bold action to unlock meaningful momentum. This episode is full of sharp insights you’ll want to revisit again and again.
Episode 238: Darcel Dillard-Suite, a national speaker, executive life coach, and certified wellness and sports social work consultant.As co-founder and president of Full Circle Health, she leads initiatives that blend mental wellness with cultural sensitivity, offering holistic solutions to personal and professional challenges.
Stay connected with Paper Napkin Wisdom on Apple, YouTube, and Spotify to be the first to hear these incredible episodes!
Good Isn’t Good Enough: Why You Need People Who Pull Your Future Into the Present
Let’s start with a myth.
You’ve probably heard it before: “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
It’s everywhere. Podcasts, self-help books, Instagram reels with dramatic background music. It sounds good. It feels true.
But let’s be real—it’s oversimplified. And if you stop there, you might be surrounding yourself with people who are nice, supportive, even successful—but not necessarily transformative.
See, the problem isn’t hanging out with “bad people.” It’s hanging out with “good people” who don’t make you better. That should be table stakes. Kindness, loyalty, shared history? That’s the floor.
What you need is someone who reaches into the future, grabs a version of you that you haven’t met yet—and pulls him into the room.
That’s not always comfortable. But it’s how growth works.
Beyond the “Rule of Five”: What the Research Actually Says
Let’s put that five-people theory under a microscope.
The quote is attributed to Jim Rohn, a brilliant motivational speaker. But recent research in network science, sociology, and behavioral psychology says it’s not that simple.
According to a study published in Nature Human Behaviour, your behaviors, beliefs, and even emotions are shaped not just by your five closest friends—but by your entire network. Think: your friends’ friends, and their friends too. (Yeah, it’s like emotional compound interest.)
This means it’s not about finding a perfect “starting lineup” of five superhumans. It’s about curating a system of influence—a circle where different people stretch different parts of you.
And that requires intentionality.
The Trap of the “Good Friend”
Let’s talk about this. Because it’s sneaky.
“Good friends” are awesome. They show up for you. They love you. They know your story. They’ve seen your best and worst days—and they’re still there.
But here’s the trap: a good friend who never challenges you, never calls you forward, and never expects more than your default mode… might be quietly helping you stay stuck.
Not on purpose. But out of love, comfort, or fear of rocking the boat.
They want to protect you from discomfort. But growth lives inside discomfort.
So, the question isn’t “Are my friends good people?” It’s “Are my people activating my evolution?”
Who Should Be in Your Circle?
I’m not talking about status. I’m talking about alignment and activation.
Here are five types of people I think everyone needs in their circle—not just to feel supported, but to feel stretched:
The Self-Mastery Mirror
This is the person who prioritizes their wellness—mental, physical, emotional—like their life depends on it (because it does). They don’t just talk about self-care. They live it. They challenge you to rest before you’re forced to. To reflect before you react. To listen to your body before it yells.
You leave conversations with them wanting to breathe deeper, move your body, and slow down on purpose.
The Relentless Reader
This person devours ideas. They read, listen, think, question. They’re curious—not just about facts, but about meaning. They show you how to stay humble enough to learn and confident enough to share.
Every chat with them lights a new fire. Not to sound smart—but to get smarter.
The Feedback Artist
They’re honest. Sharp. Direct. But always in service of you. This is the person who tells you the thing you don’t want to hear—but need to. Not to cut you down, but to level you up.
You know when you’re coasting because they’ll say it, kindly—but without flinching.
The Dream Executor
We all know dreamers. But this person does the thing. They take the risks. Build the thing. Show the receipts. They remind you that vision without action is hallucination.
You leave every encounter thinking, “What excuse am I making?” Then you go get moving.
The Compassionate Disruptor
This person makes you uncomfortable… beautifully. They challenge your worldview, your bias, your defaults—but with compassion. They don’t want you to agree—they want you to expand.
They help you question what you’ve accepted—and invite in what’s possible.
Discomfort Is the Signal, Not the Problem
If you only ever feel cozy with your people, that’s a red flag.
The people closest to you should occasionally make you squirm—in the best way. Because growth is friction. And becoming who you’re meant to be means rubbing up against who you’ve been.
When someone reflects a better version of you—your stronger habits, your deeper values, your next-level thinking—it might feel threatening at first. But that’s not rejection. That’s invitation.
They’re not saying you’re not good enough. They’re saying, “You’re more than you think.”
Pulling Your Future into the Present
Here’s how I look at it: The right people don’t just support the current version of you. They pull the future you into the present.
- The focused you.
- The aligned you.
- The wiser you.
- The healthier you.
- The more courageous you.
They don’t let you keep putting that version of yourself off like it’s some “someday” idea.
They pull him into the room.
And when you spend time with people like that regularly? You start showing up as that version of yourself by default.
That’s leadership. That’s intentionality. That’s wisdom.
Final Thought: Be That Person for Someone Else
This isn’t just about upgrading your circle—it’s about upgrading how you show up in your circle.
So ask yourself:
Who am I making better just by being in their life?
Am I holding people to their greatness—or just their comfort?
Because we don’t just need people who pull us forward.
We need to be the ones who pull others, too.
And maybe, just maybe—that starts with a question on a napkin:
“Who in my life makes me uncomfortable… in a good way?”
Write it down. Sit with it. Act on it.
Because good is the floor. Growth is the goal.
Focus–Align–Act: A Framework for Curating a Circle That Pulls You Forward
You’ve just read the wake-up call: good people aren’t enough.
You need people in your life who pull your future self into the present—who challenge you, expand your perspective, and make your comfort zone feel just a little too small.
But how do you actually build that kind of circle?
How do you make intentional shifts in your relationships without blowing up everything or drifting back into old patterns?
Let’s walk through it using the Focus–Align–Act framework.
Because awareness without action? That’s just wishful thinking.
🔍 FOCUS: Define What Growth Means to You
Before you change your circle, you need to get brutally honest with yourself: Where are you growing—and where are you not?
Ask yourself:
- In which areas of my life do I feel stuck, stagnant, or just fine?
- Who are the people I talk to most often? What do they reflect back at me?
- Am I surrounded by people who challenge me spiritually? Intellectually? Physically? Creatively?
Then, define your personal growth priorities:
- Is it becoming a better leader?
- Deepening emotional intelligence?
- Getting in the best shape of your life?
- Writing that book you’ve been “thinking about” for years?
Growth requires clarity. Without it, you’ll say yes to relationships that are comfortable instead of catalytic.
👉 Paper Napkin Prompt: What kind of person do I want to become in the next 12 months?
🧭 ALIGN: Curate the Energy Around You
Now that you know where you’re going, ask: Does my circle reflect that direction?
Here’s where you look closely at your network—not to judge or cut people out—but to realign your energy.
Map Your Circle:
Break your current relationships into three buckets:
- Activators – People who challenge and energize you toward growth.
- Stabilizers – People who are consistent, loving, but maybe not growth-oriented.
- Drainers – People who consume your energy without contributing to your growth.
Then ask:
- Who am I learning from regularly?
- Who inspires me to do better, not just feel better?
- Who is pulling me forward—and who is pulling me back?
Alignment doesn’t mean ditching friends. It means right-sizing relationships based on who you’re becoming.
👉 Paper Napkin Prompt: Who do I need to spend more time with to grow into the person I wrote about in my Focus statement?
🚀 ACT: Intentionally Expand Your Circle of Growth
This is where clarity becomes movement. You don’t have to ghost old friends or burn bridges. But you do have to invest in the right relationships on purpose.
Three Immediate Actions:
- Audit Your Calendar
Look at the last 30 days. How many hours were spent with people who challenge and grow you? Adjust accordingly for the next 30.
- Reach Out to an Activator
Message someone who inspires you—even if you’re not close. Ask for a coffee, a Zoom, or just a conversation. People further ahead on the path are often honored to help if you’re sincere.
- Be a Mirror for Someone Else
Stretch someone in your world. Ask a deeper question. Share honest feedback. Model what it looks like to pull someone’s future into the room.
Remember: You don’t just need better people.
You need to be better for your people.
👉 Paper Napkin Prompt: What’s one conversation I can start this week that will stretch me or someone else?
The Circle Is the System
The people around you are not just relationships—they are part of your operating system. Every interaction programs something:
- Hope or fear
- Action or avoidance
- Comfort or courage
The right people pull the best from you. They don’t let your past define your future. They make your vision feel urgent and your excuses feel weak.
Use this FAA framework regularly. Every quarter, even every month. Check back in:
- Am I focusing on the right evolution?
- Are my relationships aligned with that vision?
- Am I acting with courage and intention?
Because leadership—real leadership—starts with who you’re becoming before you ever try to influence anyone else.
And the right circle?
They’ll make sure you never forget that.
The Family You’re Born With… and the Uncles/Aunts You Choose
My kids were lucky. They hit the jackpot when it came to the family they were born into—grandparents who love fiercely, uncles and aunts who are like 2nd parents, cousins who are like siblings, and a network of support that’s rare and beautiful.
But they also have something more.
Something I’ve come to believe is just as valuable:
They have adoptive uncles.
Men who aren’t bound by blood, but by something deeper: shared truth, real challenge, and unconditional love. These are the friends I’ve walked beside for decades—the ones who’ve called me out, called me up, and called me forward. The ones who’ve shown up when I didn’t ask, spoken truth when I didn’t want to hear it, and loved me (and my family) without conditions.
These men didn’t just make me a better friend, or entrepreneur, or leader.
They made me a better father.
They’ve modeled strength in softness, wisdom in action, and consistency in presence. They’ve each shown my kids—by word and example—what it means to be a man of integrity, curiosity, compassion, and courage.
- Some of them taught me how to slow down.
- Others taught me how to level up.
- All of them taught me how to show up.
And now? They’re showing up for my children.
Not as visitors—but as pillars.
They read to them. Play with them. Ask the hard questions. Show the world differently. They expand the worldview my kids are growing into.
That’s the real power of choosing your circle with intention: it doesn’t just shape you.
It shapes the people who are watching you live your life.
And that—if you ask me—is the deepest legacy of all.
Because our kids don’t just inherit our genetics.
They inherit our choices.
They inherit our community.
And when we choose wisely, we give them a village that reflects their greatness long before they know it for themselves.
So yes, the people around you matter.
Not just for your growth.
But for theirs.
Two Blueprints, Need One?
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The Demand Blueprint is usually $9.99, but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber, you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to help you move from inconsistent sales to predictable, scalable growth.
The Profit Blueprint (an e-book) gives you a simple, battle-tested system to take control of your finances—whether in your business or your household. With small, actionable steps and a four week plan, this guide will help you stop running out of money and start building financial freedom. The Profit Blueprint is usually $9.99 but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to turn profit into a habit, not an accident.
Week in review
This week on the Paper Napkin Wisdom podcast, we explored two transformative episodes that tackled impactful themes of leadership, resilience, and harnessing potential.
In Episode 232, Hristo Arakliev offers a powerful reminder that life isn’t about finding yourself—it’s about boldly creating yourself. Sharing insights from his entrepreneurial journey and his personal growth, Hristo challenges the idea of waiting for clarity to take action. Instead, he believes clarity comes through movement, experimentation, and self-trust. This episode is a compelling call to live with intentionality, embrace discomfort, and actively design a life that aligns with your truth. Listen now on Apple.
In Episode 233, Stéphanie Szostak shares her journey of embracing authenticity, guided by her personal mantra: “I dare to go after my truth with love and humor.” Transitioning from a marketing career to acting, she faced the challenges of self-doubt and societal expectations, ultimately discovering that true strength lies in vulnerability and self-compassion. Through her experiences, Stéphanie emphasizes the importance of emotional fitness, advocating for a life led by love and humor as tools for resilience and connection. Her insights serve as a powerful reminder that living authentically, even amidst uncertainty, can inspire others to do the same. Listen now on Apple.
Check them out here:
