A few weeks ago, someone kept coming at me — again and again — trying to pull me into a battle I didn’t want. It wasn’t personal (at first), but it was persistent. And eventually, it crossed the line from difficult to disrespectful. I could feel the adrenaline kick in — you know that moment where your brain writes the perfect takedown monologue? Yeah, that. But instead of firing back, I paused. Took a walk. Asked a better question: Is there a good way to tell someone off… without telling them off?
That moment turned into this week’s Wisdom Weekly— a deep dive into how leaders can set boundaries, exit conversations, or even end relationships with calm clarity instead of chaos. also broke it down into a Focus–Align–Act guide to help you handle hard conversations without regret. Scroll down for the full TL;DR and tools that will keep your leadership clean, not scorched.
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In this week's Paper Napkin Wisdom Weekly:
- TL:DR
- Paper Napkin Wisdom Preview
- Is There a Good Way to Tell Someone Off?
- Focus–Align–Act: Navigating Tough Conversations Without Regret
- Two Blueprints, Need One?
- Week in Review
- Let’s Grow This Together
TL;DR – Why (and How) Great Leaders Set Boundaries Without Regret
What do strong boundaries, calm clarity, and a little neuroscience have in common?
They’re the tools used by leaders who can end relationships, fire clients, and walk away — without blowing things up or burning out.
In this week's Wisdom Weekly, we unpack how:
💥 Reactivity might feel good in the moment — but it floods your brain with cortisol and your heart with regret.
🧠 Science shows we process conflict better when we pause, write it out, and come back with intention.
🚪 Saying “no more” doesn’t have to be brutal — it can be a door to healthier leadership and clearer culture.
🛑 Boundaries don’t require anger — just clarity, self-respect, and follow-through.
📬 Firing someone well is just as important as hiring them well — for you, your brand, and your future.
The big idea?
Telling someone off might feel powerful. But telling the truth with compassion and clarity is actual leadership.
Then we bring the Focus–Align–Act framework to life:
🎯 FOCUS: Get clear on what you really want — and what’s no longer working.
🧭 ALIGN: Gut-check your actions with your values and standards.
🚀 ACT: Communicate with courage and calm. Close the loop with grace — not grudges.
The future belongs to leaders who know how to say “enough” without blowing everything up.
Paper Napkin Wisdom Podcast Preview
This is the only place where we give you a sneak peek into what's coming up on Paper Napkin Wisdom. Remember to share this with anyone who needs to hear these messages.
Episode 242: Karen Kossow, the inspiring force behind Out of Your Ordinary, where she helps individuals and teams break through limits and discover extraordinary possibilities within themselves. With a passion for personal growth, bold action, and creating impact, Karren empowers people to live beyond the ordinary every day.
Episode 243: Michael Walsh, founder of Walsh Business Growth, is a powerhouse strategist dedicated to helping entrepreneurs and leaders unlock transformative growth through clarity, alignment, and action. This marks the first in an extraordinary and exclusive series celebrating the release of his new book, showcasing insights that are reshaping the future of business leadership.
Episode 244: Dustin Wells, founder of an Austin-based investment management firm dedicated to creating, building, and inspiring through strategic ventures. With a background in technology entrepreneurship and a passion for music, Dustin combines business acumen with creative insight to drive transformational growth.
Episode 245: Ari Galper, founder and CEO of Unlock The Game, renowned as the world's leading authority on trust-based selling.He revolutionizes traditional sales approaches by emphasizing authentic relationship-building over high-pressure tactics, guiding professionals to foster genuine trust with clients.
Episode 246, 247, 248: John Sleeman is a legendary figure in Canadian business — a true pioneer who revived his family’s brewing legacy to build Sleeman Breweries into one of Canada’s most iconic beer brands and the third largest brewer in Canada. But John didn’t stop there. He’s also the visionary behind Spring Mill Distillery, where he’s continued to blend heritage with innovation in the world of craft spirits.
In this special 3-part Paper Napkin Wisdom series, recorded at the Spring Mill Distillery, John opens up like never before — sharing the setbacks, comebacks, and powerful principles that shaped his journey from humble beginnings to national success. You’ll hear about legacy, leadership, and the gritty truths most entrepreneurs won’t say out loud.
In Part 3 ( Episode 248), we’re joined by his sons, Cooper and Quinn Sleeman, for a powerful conversation about legacy from a different perspective — what it means to evolve and carry forward a name that carries weight, history, and expectation.
Stay connected with Paper Napkin Wisdom on Apple, YouTube, and Spotify to be the first to hear these incredible episodes!
Is There a Good Way to Tell Someone Off?
It’s one of those moments every leader, entrepreneur, or founder has faced.
You’re on the edge.
You’ve been patient.
You’ve turned the other cheek — maybe more times than you should have.
And now, you’re standing there, clenching your jaw, crafting the “perfect” takedown in your head.
It’s tempting, isn’t it?
But let’s ask the real question:
Is there a good way to tell someone off?
And deeper still… Should you?
When It’s Time to Draw a Line in the Sand
Boundaries are essential. That’s not up for debate.
In business, as in life, we sometimes need to cut ties, shut down behavior, or even walk away. That might look like:
- Firing a toxic client who's bleeding your team dry.
- Ending a personal relationship that has grown one-sided or unsafe.
- Letting go of an employee who is a bad culture fit — even if they’re performing on paper.
Setting those boundaries isn’t just smart; it’s survival. For your team. For your values. For your well-being.
But here’s the trap: When frustration takes the mic, wisdom gets drowned out.
And that’s where things go sideways.
The Science of Letting Go Without Losing It
Our brains are wired for fast, emotional reactions. Especially when we feel disrespected, betrayed, or pushed past our limits. In fact, according to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, when we perceive social rejection or threats, our brains activate the same neural circuits as physical pain.
No wonder we want to strike back.
But here’s the problem:
Reactive outbursts create lasting harm — often more to ourselves than the other person.
Cortisol, Regret, and the Burnout Loop
When we explode in anger or deliver the verbal equivalent of a scorched-earth policy, we get a hit of adrenaline. It feels good in the moment. Like taking back power.
But that quickly gives way to a surge of cortisol, the stress hormone linked to anxiety, guilt, and long-term health problems. High cortisol levels impair judgment, cloud memory, and degrade emotional resilience.
That means that telling someone off “just to feel better” rarely does.
Instead, it leaves us in a loop of regret, second-guessing, and damage control.
So again… is there a good way?
Choose Boundaries Over Blame
The Paper Napkin Wisdom here is this:
Clarity is kind. Conflict can be clean. But cruelty is always a cost.
Let’s not confuse setting a boundary with “putting someone in their place.”
Let’s not mistake silence for peace.
And let’s not assume that “telling them off” is leadership.
Instead, let’s explore five tools that help leaders do hard things — without hardening their hearts.
Tool 1: Use the “Two-Week Rule”
Before you send the email, have the conversation, or fire back the text…
Pause.
Ask yourself: Will I still feel this way in two weeks?
If the answer is yes, it’s probably a boundary worth setting.
If the answer is no, you’re probably just mad. Give yourself space to process.
Pro tip: Walk. Write. Vent privately. But don’t act until you’re calm and clear.
Tool 2: Set the Standard, Not the Story
It’s easy to go into a conversation guns blazing: “You always…” “You never…” “I can’t believe…”
But that’s drama, not leadership.
Instead, frame the boundary like this:
“Here’s what I expect. Here’s what I’m not willing to tolerate. And here’s what I need going forward.”
Stick to behaviors and consequences. Not personalities and blame.
Tool 3: Fire People Like You’d Hire Them
When you onboard a team member or client, you’re probably thoughtful, intentional, and values-driven.
Offboarding should be just as mindful.
- Be direct.
- Be kind.
- Be honest.
And yes — that includes firing clients, too. It might sound like this:
“We’ve appreciated working together, but I believe we’re no longer aligned in how we do business. To serve you better, I’d like to help transition you to a better-fit partner.”
Clean. Classy. Complete.
Tool 4: Practice “Courageous Clarity”
Leadership is emotional work. But when we let those emotions drive our delivery, we often do harm.
Try scripting your thoughts. Literally.
Research shows that when we write down what we want to say, we activate different brain regions — encouraging logic over reactivity (source: Psychological Science journal).
So before the hard conversation, journal your thoughts. Say them out loud. Get the poison out. Then rewrite from your higher self.
Tool 5: Remember — It’s Not Just About Them
One of the hardest truths?
Sometimes, the person we most want to tell off is holding up a mirror to our own growth edge.
- Maybe we didn’t enforce a boundary soon enough.
- Maybe we overextended out of guilt or fear.
- Maybe we said yes when we should’ve said no.
That doesn’t excuse bad behavior.
But it does invite us to lead ourselves better next time.
The Takeaway: Tell the Truth, Not People Off
So, is there a good way to tell someone off?
Maybe not.
But there is a good way to end a chapter, draw a line, or exit with integrity.
It starts with self-control.
It continues with clarity.
And it ends with compassion — not just for them, but for you.
Because leaders don’t win when they “get the last word.”
They win when they make space for better conversations — or healthier silences.
Final Thought (On a Napkin)
If I had to write this all down on a napkin, it would say:
"Boundaries and the truth don’t need to be brutal to be clear. You can be kind, calm and clear."
Draw the line.
But do it with a steady hand.
Focus-Align-Act: Navigating Tough Conversations Without Regret
🎯 FOCUS
What’s the real issue — and what’s the outcome you want?
Before you engage, take time to zoom out. Journal on this - write out what you'd like to see happen.
Ask yourself:
- What boundary is being crossed or ignored?
- What is the impact on me, my team, or the business?
- What’s the ideal outcome — not just emotionally, but practically?
This step shifts you from reaction mode to intention mode.
💡 Clarity is impossible without focus. If you’re unclear about what you want, the other person will be too.
Napkin-worthy prompt:
"If I could wave a wand and have this situation resolved tomorrow, what would be different?"
🧭 ALIGN
Am I living and leading in integrity with what matters most?
This is where we look inward.
Ask:
- Am I holding others to expectations I haven’t clearly communicated?
- Is my response aligned with our values — or just my frustration?
- Have I modeled the behavior I’m asking for?
This is the truth-check moment. Boundaries don’t stick if they’re built on hypocrisy.
Also: align with your team if this is a workplace issue. Loop in a trusted advisor or senior leader to pressure-test your perspective.
💡 Alignment doesn’t mean avoiding discomfort — it means bringing your actions, emotions, and values into sync.
Napkin-worthy prompt:
"What does my highest self — or the best leader I know — do in a moment like this?"
🚀 ACT
Make the move — clearly, cleanly, and completely.
This is where courage meets communication.
Choose:
- Medium: Face-to-face (or Zoom) when possible. Written communication can feel colder than intended.
- Message: Use “I” statements. Be direct and firm, not vague or passive.
- Mindset: Aim for closure, not conflict. Your goal is peace — not points.
And remember: Silence can be a powerful form of action, too.
You don’t always need to “tell someone off” — sometimes, just disengaging with dignity is the better choice.
💡 Once you've set the boundary, let it stand. Don't backtrack unless you've learned something new — not just felt something new.
Napkin-worthy prompt:
"What’s the kindest way to be clear — and the clearest way to be kind?"
🔁 BONUS: Build the Feedback Loop
After the moment passes:
- Reflect on what went well (and what didn’t).
- Capture lessons learned.
- Adjust your internal and external boundaries going forward.
Because boundaries aren’t just lines we draw.
They’re leadership muscles we build.
Two Blueprints, Need One?
The Demand Blueprint gives you a simple, battle-tested system to attract more leads, convert them into loyal customers, and scale with confidence.
With small, actionable steps and a four-week plan, this guide will help you fix the root cause of weak demand, build trust-based sales relationships, and create real-time engagement that drives sustainable growth.
The Demand Blueprint is usually $9.99, but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber, you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to help you move from inconsistent sales to predictable, scalable growth.
The Profit Blueprint (an e-book) gives you a simple, battle-tested system to take control of your finances—whether in your business or your household. With small, actionable steps and a four week plan, this guide will help you stop running out of money and start building financial freedom. The Profit Blueprint is usually $9.99 but as a Paper Napkin Wisdom subscriber you save 50%. For just $5, you’ll get a clear, step-by-step roadmap to turn profit into a habit, not an accident.
Week in review
This week on the Paper Napkin Wisdom podcast, we explored two transformative episodes that tackled impactful themes of leadership, resilience, and harnessing potential.
In Episode 240, Borzou Azabdaftari, founder of NickelBronx, discusses the importance of taking action without waiting for the "perfect" moment. Borzou emphasizes that time will pass regardless, so it's crucial to start now rather than waiting for ideal conditions that may never come. The conversation delves into how overthinking and perfectionism can hinder progress, and how embracing imperfection can lead to meaningful growth. Borzou shares insights from his entrepreneurial journey, highlighting the value of authenticity and the courage to begin, even when circumstances aren't perfect.
In Episode 241, Marina Byezhanova, co-founder of Brand of a Leader, explores the transformative power of radical authenticity in leadership and personal branding. Marina shares her journey from concealing her Ukrainian heritage to embracing her unique identity, emphasizing that true leadership requires standing out, speaking up, and being authentically herself. Marina's message serves as a compelling reminder that authenticity fosters genuine connections and meaningful impact.
Check them out here:
